Rubbish playlist

Considering how much I paid to get here, it’s not much fun. The piped music is dispiriting – apparently I can check out any time I like, but I can never leave. Can we switch to The Smiths, or Leonard Cohen, or something?

And why can’t I leave?

‘Look at you? You’ve been wearing pyjamas since you got here; you’re completely panda-ized; you haven’t eaten since Saturday afternoon and it’s now Tuesday; you can’t stop shaking, so you can’t walk far. It’s an insurance issue – I can’t let you out on your own. If you go out of here, it’s in a body bag. No, I don’t have any your size. Why not sit in your room and look at the brochure? There might be something you’d like to try. There are lots of activities. Don’t forget to complete the evaluation form.’

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