Archive for September, 2010

Enough

Posted in Uncategorized on September 28, 2010 by abandonata

had

Advertisements

Body count

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 26, 2010 by abandonata

Time for annual accounting in the Slough. My Slough tax year runs October to October. I don’t want to submit my return late in case they exact an even greater toll.

Losses, roughly in order, of the last year:
Smaller daughter’s sanity and health
Nearly, smaller daughter’s life – so nearly
Love of my life, so loved
The future
Naive belief in general goodness of people
Hope
Will to live
Nearly, but not so nearly, larger daughter’s life
Confidence
One good friend (to cowardice) – was my rock, but he crumbled
Two good friends (to death)
Scales from eyes

Gains, roughly in order, of the last year:
Triumph of older daughter, becoming a wonderful adult
Friends – many and glorious, loyal and loving
Chance to rebuild relationship with and for smaller daughter, free of her demon of depression
Wisdom
Perspective
Cynicism
Splinter of ice

Net loss: immeasurable
Net gain: immeasurable

Self-assessment of tax owed: All debts paid in full, nothing owing from former tax years. Can I go now, please? No – didn’t think so.

Crawling through the valley of the shadow of death

Posted in Uncategorized on September 22, 2010 by abandonata

Life’s a bitch and then you die.
Worse: life’s a bitch and then everyone else dies.

Onto the rocks

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by abandonata

Navigation is not going too well – I’ve steered into the rocks and am slipping under the waves again. Trouble is, the rocks keep moving around – or maybe it’s the currents that are unpredictable. The dangers aren’t always what or where I think they are. I wonder if sat nav would help?

Lacuna

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on September 18, 2010 by abandonata

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.

Navigating Charybdis

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 17, 2010 by abandonata

It’s as though I have to navigate tumultuous and treacherous seas every day. Some days the weather is relatively calm and I can cross the straits with comparative ease and safety. Sometimes the sea is wild and hurricanes threaten to sink my ship or smash it against the rocks.

Slowly I am learning the more reliable paths and remembering where the worst currents run. I can’t always skirt around the currents, but I’m getting better at predicting them. Every day, backwards and forwards across the same straits, eventually it may become a routine and safe trip. Or maybe one day the weather will clear a little.

Lacuna

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on September 13, 2010 by abandonata